memo:
Mike Duke, CEO
re: One Hour Guarantee
We made a mistake. People are buying too many and we are making too little.
Put a stop to this.
The customers should be misdirected so that they give up.
Then we will not have to sell with too little profit, although we are still making money.
The customers are stupid and will give up when frustrated a little.
They cannot afford to shop elsewhere, so we have them anyway.
Do not worry about them going to competitors, they are used to frustration and delays.
It is like the welfare line for them, they will wait and wait, then go away, only to come back next their payday.
Bottleneck the customers at the registers.
Close down the cards to just a couple registers per store and do NOT let employees hand out cards to customer i line.
Misdirect the customers in the store to incorrect lines.
Circle customers in lines around to route back into later spots in the lines.
Close down the online registration system.
Have it crash.
Connect the telephone customer support to the same crashed system and have them make excuses that their system is also having problems.
Bottleneck the call in system to only a few lines.
Customers will give up holding.
